


blackbird, fly

by twohourstraffic



Category: Across the Universe (2007)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Nightmares, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25166587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twohourstraffic/pseuds/twohourstraffic
Summary: When he was fifteen, Max made a promise to his sister. Six years later, the promise is growing harder to keep.
Kudos: 1





	blackbird, fly

**Author's Note:**

> A version of this was published on Fanfiction Dot Net in 2009. It needed a scrub and some polish, but here we are.

Max had successfully located his wallet at the bottom of his satchel and had one arm in his jacket when his mother called out to him from the top of the stairs.

“Just where do you think you’re going, young man?”

Max turned with what he believed to be a charming grin, then stopped dead at the sight of his mother, dressed in her cocktail finest and with her hair set, coming down towards him.

“Dave just phoned to see if I wanted to go see  _ Mutiny On The Bounty _ with some of the guys. I need to go, actually, I said I’d pick him up on the way.”

“You are doing no such thing, Maxwell. Not only are you grounded after that … performance of yours last week, but your father and I have plans and you are watching your sisters tonight. We discussed it on Wednesday, remember?”

“Mom, I watched them last night! Wasn’t that what you were talking about?” 

“Last night was a dinner party, Maxwell, and I would hardly call doing goodness knows what in the garden with your friends while your sisters played babysitting. Tonight is the function at your father’s office. It’s been on the calendar for a month.”

“You can’t be serious. Mom, this is so unfair! Practically everyone in my grade is going tonight. I can think of  _ literally  _ a thousand things I'd rather be doing. I … I don't know any high schoolers who have to look after their baby sisters on a Saturday night!”

His mother put her hands on her hips. “I really don't care, Maxwell. It’s unfortunate that you forgot, but plans are plans. Your father and I will be at his office until late, and you’re looking after your sisters. That’s final.”

“But Mom, this is total bull-”

“No cursing. And no buts. It’s not my fault you can’t keep your days of the week straight, Maxwell. We’ll be back late, so don’t stay up. Bye, girls!”

The door slammed shut. Max sighed before turning to face Julia and Lucy, who had been drawn to the argument like moths to a flame and were sitting at the base of the stairs. He took a deep breath, then smiled at the elder of the two.

“So, Luce, I guess it's just you and me.”

“Hey! What about me?!” exclaimed Julia indignantly.

He pretended to start, throwing a hand to his chest. “Sorry, pipsqueak. Almost didn't see you there.”

“Don't call me pipsqueak!”

“I'm sorry, _Julia_. You’re just so tiny, I didn't see you there.”

“I'm not that short!” 

“You're not that  _ tall _ ,” he countered.

“I'm only six!”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Lucy stood up. “As you well know, I'm twelve years old, so I'm hardly a baby. And I'm gonna go finish my homework in Daddy’s study. Can I watch TV when I'm done?”

“I guess so,” Max shrugged. He turned to Julia. “You need to be in bed in an hour. What are you going to do until then?”

“I want to draw. Will you draw with me?”

“Uh ... sure. Let me just call Dave and let him know I’m not coming, OK?”

Julia waited patiently while he made his excuses, then reached up to grab her big brother's hand and lead him into the room she shared with Lucy. Max selected a 45 while she rifled through the bottom drawer before coming up with a pad of paper which had clearly been pilfered from their father’s office and her brand new, highly-prized box of Crayolas, then sat down on the carpet and patted the space next to herself. Max sighed but fell down next to her, crossing his legs as best as he could.

“You can draw whatever you want, OK? But you can only use the crayons I say.”

"OK."

Julia ripped a page from the pad and put it in front of him before selecting a shade of blue and presenting it to him ceremoniously. He bowed his head with a grin, and she rolled her eyes at him. 

Max spent the next ten minutes in silence, crayon gliding over the paper in an unintelligible pattern. Although he intended it to be a kind of mandala, his distinct lack of artistic talent quickly took over and it devolved into a mess of lines and dots. He sighed deeply, contemplating balling up the paper and starting again, when he noticed that his sister had stopped drawing and was staring at him. 

“What’s up with you, kid?”

She sniffed, shrugged, then took a deep breath. “Did you really mean what you said to Mom earlier?”

“When, Julia?”

“You know, when you were yelling at her, right before she left.”

“Remind me what I said.”

“Can you really think of a thousand things you'd rather be doing than looking after us? Are we really that bad?”

He looked up and noticed, with a start, that his kid sister had tears in her eyes. Even though she was at an age where she cried easily, being the source of those tears was an unfamiliar feeling and he felt deeply guilty for reasons he couldn’t quite place. 

“Oh, God ... No, Jules, of course not. I was just mad at Mom because she didn't bother asking me if I had any plans or anything for tonight. She just told me that I had to look after you. And I did have plans to go to the pictures with David and some other guys from school.”

“I'm sorry we messed up your plans.”

“It's not your fault, kiddo. Come here.”

Max held out his arms, and Julia crawled into them. She laid her head on his shoulder, and they sat there quietly.

“Jules ... I love you and Lucy more than anyone else in the world. You know that, right?”

Julia sniffed, then slowly shook her head. “No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I didn't know that.”

“Oh, Julia. You're ... really special to me, OK? Just trust me.”

She sniffed so deeply that he had to resist the urge to find her a Kleenex. “I trust you.”

He smiled at her, then kissed the top of her head. “You’re fine, kiddo. Dry your eyes and you can show me your drawing if you want.”

She handed it to him. It looked a bit like a bunch of scribbles to him. Trying to be delicate, he asked her to explain it to him.

She looked at him as though he was touched in the head. “It's a picture of us. See? There's Lucy, and there's you, and there's me.” In the drawing, Julia was a good inch taller than Max. She grinned at him. “It's in the future. I'll be taller than you one day.”

“In your dreams.”

“Mom said that I'm taller than you were when you were my age.”

“That was a long time ago. Mom's memory isn't very good.”

She stuck out her tongue at him, and he stuck his out in return.

“It's a beautiful picture, Jules, but don’t forget to sign it. One day, you're going to be rich and famous, and people are going to want to buy your pictures for hundreds of dollars. But you've got to put your name in the corner. And, on the back, write the name of it.”

“OK.”  _ Julia _ went in the corner, and on the back, she wrote with a little help from Max,  _ Us (Lucy, Max and me) _ .

“That's perfect. I'm sure Mom and Dad will want to see it. Do you want to stick it on your pinboard?”

“Yeah, I guess.” 

Pride of place on the board was always reserved for Lucy’s love interest of the week, pulled from her magazines, but they managed to find a corner where it was pinned in place with care. Max straightened it carefully, then turned to his sister. “You want to go and see what Lucy's watching on TV?”

“OK. Will you carry me?”

“I thought you were just telling me how tall you are. You're going to break my back if I’m not careful!”

She smiled and held out her arms, and he swung her up onto his hip with an exaggerated grunt. They headed down to the den, where Lucy was waiting out  _ Rawhide  _ in anticipation of  _ The Flintstones _ . By the end of the episode, Julia was starting to droop.

Max leaned over to Lucy. “I'm going to go and get her into bed,” he whispered. “If she refuses to cooperate, I'll need your help.” 

Thankfully, no such help was needed. Twenty-five minutes later, having cleaned her teeth with minimal complaining and requesting two readings of  _ The Cat In The Hat _ , Julia was fast asleep and Max was back in the den.

“Did I miss much?” he asked Lucy.

“Fred and Barney did something stupid. Wilma and Betty told them they were stupid for it.”

“What a surprise.”

They sat in comfortable silence, Lucy occasionally turning the pages of her magazine, for the rest of the episode. As the theme song for the next show began, Max sat up with a start and turned off the TV.

“Do you mind?” Lucy asked crossly. “It’s only 8:30, my bedtime on a Saturday isn’t until 9.”

“Sorry, I just … I thought I heard something. Can you go check if it was Jules? I’ll check the front door.”

Lucy sighed heavily but headed upstairs, stomping as she went. She was back a minute later.

“She wants you.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

Lucy shrugged, already walking over to turn on the television again. Max, caught between wanting to comment on  _ your attitude, young lady _ and stopping the urge to turn into his mother, went carefully up the stairs and into his sisters’ room. Julia was sitting up in bed looking tired and miserable. “What is it, Jules?”

“Max! Max, I just -”

“What?”

“I heard noises coming from my closet.”

“No, you didn't.”

“I did too.”

“There's nothing scary in your closet, Jules. You had a bad dream, OK? Go back to sleep.”

“There's something in there. I heard it.”

He strode across the room and flung open the doors, making a show of looking in each corner of the truly tiny closet. He checked behind the coats, swept his hand over the top shelf and removed each tiny shoe, one by one.

“Julia, I’ve looked and I swear to you: there is absolutely in your closet except some clothes and shoes. I promise. Now, will you please go back to sleep?”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm sure. I couldn’t have missed anything, I promise you.”

She sniffed, eyes closing of their own volition. “OK, I guess.”

“Sleep well, Jules. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Two hours later, Max was fast asleep when he was awoken by a voice. Heart racing, he swallowed a curse as he focused his eyes on the figure at the door.

A whisper cut through the dark. “Max, it’s me.”

He groaned. “What do you want, Luce?” The light from the hallway lit the clock on his nightstand and showed that it was after midnight. 

His sister sounded annoyed and worried at the same time, which woke him up quicker than any light in his face ever could. Lucy didn’t get worried. “Julia’s awake and crying, and I didn’t know what to do.”

He groaned again, and rubbed a hand over his eyes tiredly. “Go ask Mom, Lucy. It’s the middle of the goddamn night.”

“I don’t think they’re back yet,” she said quietly. “I checked their room and they’re not in there, and I can’t hear them downstairs. Will you come though, please? She’s really freaked out and she won’t stop crying.” 

Max clambered out of bed and followed his sister to the room next door. Sure enough, Julia was sitting up in bed, miserable tears on her cheeks and her tired-looking doll clutched in one hand.

Max walked in slowly, going to sit on the edge of Julia’s bed as Lucy fell back into her own, burying her head under her pillow with a loud groan.

“What’s up, Jules? It’s the middle of the night.”

Julia choked out a sob, and wrapped her arms around her brother. “I had a really scary dream.”

Max kissed the top of her hair and then pulled back to look her in the face. “Julia, you’re OK. It was just a dream. Whatever happened, it wasn’t real.”

“It  _ was _ real.”

He fought down a visceral yawn and smiled at her tiredly instead. “Do you want to tell me about it?"

Julia's voice was thick with tears. “You had to go a long way away. I don't know where, but it was gross and muddy and awful. There were loud noises, and banging, and people were throwing rocks at you and shooting at you, like in  _ Rawhide _ . And then they hurt you a lot, and I thought you were dead. And -”

“Julia, that sounds awful, honey, but it's OK. It was just a dream.”

“It wasn’t a dream, it was  _ real _ ," she insisted before another burst of tears ripped through her body.

“Max, come on.” Lucy pulled her face from under her pillow to protest again. “Tell her to shut  _ up _ , please. It’s the middle of the night.”

He flipped her the bird, and she returned in kind before rolling over to face the wall. 

“It wasn't real,” Max said quietly, pulling Julia into his lap and shushing her gently. “Nothing's going to happen to me.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he murmured. “Nothing’s going to stop me being there for you, OK? I’ve got you and you’ve got me, forever.”

Julia, still groggy with sleep and, fortunately, nodding off again, tucked her head into his chest and sighed. “Max, I don't want anything bad to happen to you, ever.”

“I know, Jules. I know.” He sat with her as she slowly fell asleep again, tucking her back into bed as gently as he could before he returned to his room, exhausted. He lay awake until he heard his parents return, and then finally dozed off.

* * *

_ six years later _

The summer sunlight flooding the apartment lit a scene of mild chaos - six people were squeezed around the kitchen table fighting over the end of a casserole, Jojo was half-hanging out a window, strumming his guitar and trying to catch a breeze to break the stifling heat, Jude was absent-mindedly doodling on the back of a poster and the phone was ringing off the hook.

“Hello? Sadie’s house of miscreants, Sadie speaking.” She paused. “Sorry, honey, who did you say you were looking for? Oh, of course. Lucy! It's for you.”

“Thanks, Sadie.”

Lucy pulled herself from the kitchen chair where Prudence had been painting her toenails and grabbed the receiver. 

“Hello? … Hi, Dad. … No, that was my landlady. She’s really swell. … How are you? … Yeah, I'm good. … Sorry,  _ yes _ , I'm good. … No, Dad, it's not Max's fault that I speak like I do. I speak like this because I want to. … No, I know you didn't ring to have an argument. … Dad, I promise, I'm fine. The trip was easy - I'm here, I'm safe, I've settled in. It's all good. … Yep, he's around. I'll see if he wants to say hi.”

Lucy set down the receiver on the table and checked each of the bedrooms for her brother, before finding him about five feet from where she'd started, tucked into the sofa and staring out the window.

“Max, Dad's on the phone. Do you want to talk to him?”

Max dropped his head back against the armrest and groaned. “Why in the hell would I want to talk to Dad?”

“I'm pretty sure he can hear you,” she hissed at him.

“No, I do not want to talk to Dad. Thanks.”

Lucy pulled a face at him, then grabbed the receiver again.

“He's a little busy right now but he says hi. … Yeah, maybe next time. Oh, can you put Julia on, please? … Hi Julia! How are you, honey? … It's all good here. … Tell Mom I arrived fine. … No, I just - tell her there's nothing to worry about. … Of course Max is OK. Why wouldn't he be OK? … He went yesterday. Yeah, it's all official now. He just needs to wait for - … Oh Jules, not again, honey. Just trust him – nothing's going to happen. … Yeah, I know. … Of course I'll put him on. I love you.”

Max looked up at her. “Does she want me?” He stood up as Lucy nodded, grabbing the receiver. “Pipsqueak, how are you? How's it all going? … Should I ask about school? … I'm sure it's not that bad, you must be - … Oh my God. Sounds like you  _ are _ a Carrigan after all."

As Lucy watched, his forehead creased, his shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply. “Julia, please trust me. … I  _ know _ I'm in the army now. But nothing's going to happen. … Of course I know what happened to Daniel. But I'm not Daniel, am I?”

Lucy felt her eyes widen and she smiled at him sadly, but he didn’t see her, too busy in his reassurance. “Jules, tens of thousands of soldiers go to war and come back without a scratch. Nothing is going to happen to me. … Jules, I really don't want to hear about it, OK? Stop reading the papers, knowing numbers helps nothing. Just trust me that I'll be fine. … Yes, I promise. … Julia, I - I really don't want to have this conversation right now. … Yeah, I love you too. Do you want Lucy again? … OK, I love you, sweetheart. Talk to you soon.” 

He hung up the phone and came over to the kitchen table. “Fuck,” he announced to no-one in particular.

“That bad?” Jude asked him worriedly.

“That bad,” he confirmed. “Julia's spinning out because my number came up, like it was always going to, and now I’m off to die. What the fuck am I supposed to say? ‘No, I'll be fine. I realise thousands of US soldiers are dying over there every week, but I've got the luck of the Irish, it’s the Carrigan way.’ It's not like she doesn't know it’s happening. Ever since Daniel, she …”

“What do you want me to say?”

“There's nothing to say.” His head dropped to the table, and Jude had to lean forward to hear his mumbling. “ _ Fuck _ , Jude … Does she not realise that I'm scared too?”

“Of course not,” Jude said with a grin. “Have you met you? You're her invincible big brother. Faster than a speeding bullet, braver than a pack of wolves.”

Max sat up with a grin, then grew sober. “D'you know, once when she was really little, she had a nightmare that I was going to be killed in a war. And I promised her that I wouldn't let anything happen to me.”

“I've found that you should never promise anything that you can't keep.”

“Well, it’s too late for that.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

Max sighed. “This is bullshit, man.”

“It is.”

“You know how they say that the army screws you up for life?”

Jude nodded.

“I think it's purely the stress before you go.”

Lucy, who had made her way over with a cup of something herbal, dropped it onto the table in front of Max and kissed him on the head. “Let's hope that's all that happens to you.”

Max, not for the first time that day, groaned loudly. “Jude, you gotta help me, man. There's two of them.”

Jude, not knowing quite how to answer, just turned back to his drawing.


End file.
